- In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
- On the walls of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
-- Sisters of Mercy
- In front of a church:
Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
- In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
- On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
Thirty-eight years on the same spot.
- In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
- In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center
- In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
- On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church
- On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
- In a clothing store:
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
- In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
- In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!
- In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
- In a New York restaurant:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
- On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
- In the window of an Oregon general store:
Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
- In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
- In the grounds of a private school:
No trespassing without permission.
- A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race:
Let's see who can go downhill the fastest
- Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants, please stay in your car.
- Outside a photographer's studio:
Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also.
- Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.
- On a plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.
- On a maternity room door:
Push. Push. Push.
- At an optometrist's office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
- On a fence:
Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!
- Seen on a garbage truck:
Satisfaction guaranteed or double your trash back!
- On a church door:
This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door.
(This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)
- Sign warning of quicksand:
Any person passing this point will be drowned.
By order of the District Council.
- In an office:
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.
The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke- la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect.
Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko- le", translating into "happiness in the mouth."
Other Humour Sections On This Site
An Unrelated Radio Show
If you like modern-day soul music and variants of it like soulful house, you might like to know that the owner of this website is doing a soul show which will probably run through the summer and into the autumn, on the little community radio station Worthing Sunshine Radio. It's on every Thursday evening between 9 and 11 PM, and then repeated every Saturday and Tuesday between 10 PM and midnight, UK time.
Besides the music, there are features such as a couple of quirky old news stories, witty quotes, a joke, and a comedy excerpt from a long story she's writing herself called The Early Life of Becky Bexley the Child Genius.
If this is the first page you have visited on this site, this is part of Broadcaster.org.uk, a website about social issues and psychological problems and possible solutions, and what the Bible says about several topics, including sex and marriage, violence, love and caring. Go to the Broadcaster.org.uk home page to find out more.....
||Or if you'd like to know more about the Bible and related issues, visit one of our Bible pages.|
The Beauty of the Bible's Moral Teaching:
Are you up to trying the challenges of the Bible's moral guidelines, and would you like to know more about the love of Jesus?
- What The Bible Says About Violence, Anger, Jealousy, Arguments, And Living In Peace With Each Other.
- What The Bible Says About Honesty And The Love Of Money.
- What The Bible Says About Sex And Marriage.
- A Short Story About Tackling Prejudice, And What The Bible Says About Despising People, Judging By Appearances, And God's Mercy.
- What The Bible Says About Love And Caring.
- What The Bible Says About Drunkenness and Why It's Wrong.
- What The Bible Says About Lies, Gossip, Quarrelling, Insulting Language And Dirty Jokes.
- What The Bible Says About Lustful And Nasty Thoughts.
- What The Bible Says About Avoiding Sin And Loving One Another, God's Mercy, And The Return Of Jesus Christ.
- What The Bible Says About The Life-Changing Power Of God's Holy Spirit.
- What the Bible Says About the Importance of Doing God's Will.
The jokes and quotes on these pages have been collected from around the Internet.
I'm not sure who brought them to the public's attention in the first place.